Today is Father’s Day and I spent the morning at Church with my wife and two sons. We had a special service with World War II Medal of Honor Recipient Woody Williams serving as Lay Minister. His sermon surrounded service — service to your God, service to your country and service to your fellow man. He spoke about the sacrifices that so many have made so that we can be free and of the supreme sacrifice of Christ on the Cross. He also spoke about the sacrifices that parents make for their children and the bond that cannot be broken that exists between parent and child.
Hearing the sermon made me think about how my relationship with my dad shaped the way I am with my children. You see, dad’s father died when he was just about seven years old. He never really had a true “father figure” to guide him in how to be a father. As his first born, dad was trying to learn how to be a parent. To be honest, there were some times when we fought like cats and dogs.
Sometimes it seemed that we would never be able to bridge the gap that built between us through my teenage years. But a funny thing happened …. over the years dad learned how to be a dad and, well, I learned how to be a son. Somewhere along the line, our relationship changed. Perhaps it was when I got married and then a few years later my wife and I had our oldest son, Ian. He was dad’s first grandson. It was about the time my dad finally retired from a life as a construction worker for the coal industry.
I was living close to mom and dad at the time and I guess in some strange way my being a parent kind of brought my dad and I closer together. I finally got to know my dad — who he REALLY was and not who I THOUGHT he was.
I was working for a state agency at the time and often had to take long trips. My wife couldn’t go with me and so often I would invite my dad along for the ride. He enjoyed those trips. They gave us time to talk and in many ways it was during those long drives with just the two of us, that I learned about my dad and he learned about his son. We listened to each other for the first time. We talked about life and about mistakes we had made and we found in each other a friend. I am happy that fate gave me those opportunities to build that relationship.
When you are growing up, it’s easy to see your parents as somehow out of touch — to think they don’t know what its like to be a teenager or a 20-something year old.
Funny thing is that they do. And that is why they seem to want to “butt-in” and tell you when they think you are making a mistake or are wrong about something. More often than not, they DO know and they are trying to spare you from making the same mistakes they made.
As a parent, I am the product of the influences of my father, mother, my grandfather and grandmother that I knew and, yes, even my grandfather and grandmother I never had the privilege of knowing.
From my dad, I learned that it is okay to make mistakes as long as you acknowledge them and tell your kids when you do. From my mom I learned about unconditional love. From my Grandfather Hugh and Grandmother Margaret, I learned the importance of being strong and brave and confronting problems head-on but also the importance of being there for your children. And from my Grandfather Golden and Grandmother Gladys, who I never knew, I learned the importance of treating every day with your children and those you love as a blessing to be treasured.
Yes, I am the product of those wonderful people — as well as so many more of my family, my uncles, aunts, great-uncles and great-aunts, my great-grandparents and my cousins, and, yes, my friends. All of them had a hand in creating the “me” that writes this.
Today, we celebrate “Father’s Day” and a month or so ago we celebrated “Mother’s Day.”
Today has been a blessing to me in so many ways. I hope it as been so for you.
I would ask that you take a moment and learn a bit about your parents. If they are living, spend some time with them and just talk — not about problems or the latest crisis — but just talk. Learn who they are. If they are no longer living, ask someone to share their memories about them. You never know what little nugget of treasure you might unearth by doing so.
And also, take a moment and talk to your children. Again, just talk. Go fishing or just sit out on the lawn and enjoy this beautiful day. Let them know you love them unconditionally, share your life with them and allow them to share their’s with you. Today is a day for love, for family and for learning. 6/15/14
The Mind's Eye 